Sometimes positive changes in ourselves happen so slowly that we don't notice them. I am sensing these changes and they are helping me deal with a prolonged break up. I don’t know why, but I no longer feel obsessed with it. It’s probably because, after a year, I can no longer maintain that maximum level of intensity when I’m still not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel.
I had to let that go, maybe for my mental health. I was
beginning to fear that, when I felt down, I might stay down; I might not be
able to bounce back. I had to pull myself back from that edge (and fortunately,
I was able to).
So maybe that’s why I have been feeling better lately. I am
thinking more clearly about other priorities in my life: my family, my work,
other commitments and concerns.
I am getting out more, making plans again, having fun.
At times it feels like a foggy shroud is lifting from my brain. There’s not as
much swirling in my head or swinging of my emotions as there used to be. I
don’t feel as tired and worn out as I did.
So what’s different? I think it’s that I have learned how to
“turn it off” when I need to. Instead of being preoccupied night and day with it,
I seem to be able now to shift my attention to other important things. I feel
more balanced, calmer, more relaxed, less cranky.
It’s taken me a long time, but I think I have finally
motivated myself.
Well, Now I have some new things lined up. Will write about them soon.
